EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 8: Building Blocks to Becoming a Better Man Part 3

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman continues a 4-part series on this concept of what characteristics help a guy become a better man, sharper leader, more communicative spouse, more compassionate friend, more inspiring father and more courageous human being. Adding on discipline to do your best work, always and rest to reboot your body, mind and spirit.

So, if you’re just jumping into the mix- this is Part 3 of the 4 part series, Building Blocks to Becoming a Better Man.  What do you mean, Dykeman??  I’m hitting on perspective-shifting topics that equip you to reassess your life and define what truly matters to you as a man today; and offer and guide you through a re-building process to becoming a better man- however you choose to line-item that.

Today we’re taking on the topics of DISCIPLINE and REST.

But let’s first remember we’re building on the foundation we’ve begun laying down. Clearing your mindset for a revival of self –authentic to the world you interact with and true to your core beliefs and values… and practicing the work of forgiving your past choices, mess-ups and judgments in order to create a better present and future. Ultimately when you’re more in-tune with yourself, your interest and capability to connect and communicate is more positive, productive and preserving. And with stronger more genuine communication comes improved confidence, which yields a resurgence in courage to leap, learn and love with greater intensity and gratification.

Our next set of building blocks calls for Discipline to do your best work, always and its counterpart of Rest to reboot your body, mind and spirit.

To become a better man, you must be embrace DISCIPLINE.    I’ll always default to my favorite quote by Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski who said “Discipline is doing what you are supposed to do in the best possible manner the time you are supposed to do it.   And that’s not such a bad thing.”

The old adages from mentors to grandfathers stand the test of time because they are universally true: lasting, worthwhile success only comes from hard & smart work, planning, asking for help, hustling with integrity, and sticking to plumbline rules of engagement. Being disciplined means digging in for the battle ahead, doing more than what’s expected with what you’re given, and focusing your efforts on achievement of whatever your sights are set on.

Anyone who glamorizes the life of being an executive, growing business owner or  entrepreneur needs to hear the grass is always greener line a few more times… because power and self-assigned freedom appears as 16-hour workdays, microwave dinners, endless networking, skipped workouts, missed parties, and caffeine by-the-gallon.

But discipline goes beyond hours of career and job responsibilities.  It also means self-control to keep with promises to yourself and others- be it for better health, more money in your pocket, or messes to clean up. And it serves as a tuning fork to ensure your well of resources stays full and healthy. And when those resources of time, funds, family and friends are thriving it’s vital that you make time for Rest, Retreat and Reward.

To become a better man, you must be embrace REST. What comes to mind when I say that? In my initial intake questions I always clients to outline and color in what rest from work and discipline looks like… and what it COULD look like.

All attempts to ­over-fill your saturated days, week after week, will undeniably negatively impact your end results and create a nerve-racking situation for your body, mind and spirit –literally.  Too many overachievers blur this mentality into all other areas of their lives- and strategy, goals, leading makes it so there is never a separation between work and home life. A BETTER man is a balanced man… and peace of mind, joy in your heart comes when you step back from the office.

Rest comes in two forms:

  1. STOPPING WORK… Learning to Sit Still… Leaving the building, Elvis, and laying down.

Indeed pushing pause and pacing yourself, as contradictory as it sounds, pays off royally time and time again.  Down-time separates those leaders who thrive, from those who hit burnout time and time again… and playing catchup with weekend marathon naps is proven to be of little or no benefit.  IT’S like taking studying for a test after you’ve already gotten an F.  Having a not to do list for a few hours to a few weeks can improve your decision-making , productivity, and own morale; it can also save your heart, save your marriage, save your future.  Remember, when you compromise yourself…and all other priorities are jeopardized.

  1. Rest can also mean RECESS- meaning PLAY and Release the Kid in You!

The counterbalance of work is PLAY!  Creativity and passion for all parts of life need to be fueled by celebration and delightfully pointless activities in order to blossom. Life is too short to not carve out fun, non-competitive activities, experiences where you can make an ass out of yourself, chase your dreams, and tap the joy of nostalgia.  And the longer you shut out laughter, the lamer your sense of humor becomes. Net-net- If the real you is dying to laugh, then loosen your tie, let down your hair, and have some damn fun.

Work and play- they’re like peanut butter and jelly; Bogie and Bacall, beer and ballgames.  Neither reaches its true potential without the other!  Point being, those who don’t let deadlines ruin their timeline… get a helluvalot more life out of their years.  The closer you get to the true humble you, the more communicative and courageous you become, and the wisdom of just how to balance labor with leisure shows up in spades.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  ~ KD

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman

Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises– Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.  

This is also featured on the global platform The Good Men Project where Dykeman is a regular contributing writer.

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 6: Building Blocks to Becoming a Better Man Part 1

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman begins a 4-part series on this concept of what characteristics help a guy become a better man, sharper leader, more communicative spouse, more compassionate friend, more inspiring father and more courageous human being. Starting with authenticity to stay the path of the real you & forgiveness to remain humble

I’ll preface this by saying that today’s podcast is the launchpad for a 4-part podcast series- titled Building Blocks to Becoming a BETTER Man- that encapsulates the most meaningful observations I’ve made of the leaders I have admired, the leaders I have coached, and the man who raised me. Ultimately this list of specific values does two things: 1) It gives you a sequence of cumulative perspective-shifting topics that equip you to reassess your current reality and define what truly matters to you as a man NOW; and 2) it guides you with an unwavering compass through a building process to becoming a better man, sharper leader, more communicative spouse, more compassionate friend, more inspiring father and more courageous human being.

Here’s a spoiler alert: there are no prerequisite levels of title, car, marriage status, age or bank account. So shake the confetti from your hair, wipe your rose-colored glasses and settle in for a reality check. And we’re kicking things off with the building blocks of: AUTHENTICITY and FORGIVENESS.

Let’s talk AUTHENTICITY. To become a better man, you must be embrace authenticity. We’re only a few days into the New Year and I’m already sick of seeing the travesty of regurgitated ad campaigns- pimping every program, pill, plan, technology and concoction under the sun to miraculously create a fabulous sparkling NEW YOU- guaranteed (but don’t mind the fine print).

These “solutions” will magically make you a younger, leaner, happier, more successful, taller, smarter, sexier and sharper man with more hair and libido than you’ll know what to do with… and yet the unforgiving underconversation is telling you that you are simply not enough, totally broken and up a shit’s creek. And to take on the next 366 days with your hair on fire and your engine running at full throttle, you need an exorbitant amount of products and services to right your wrongs and make your life perfect and YOU brand new again. Shit, some of you I’m sure weren’t really thinking that you were THAT messed up in the first place.

But does that really fulfill the New Year- New You mantra? I mean, after all, it’s still the “old you” who showed up after the ball dropped- with your comfortably worn set of Tumi luggage stuffed with 30, 40, 50, 60 years of the wrinkled wardrobe you wear as your identity today.

Moreover… do you really want NEW? So often when I ask my clients to reference a time in their lives when they felt they were at their best, excited about life, felt unstoppable, etc.…. they paint colorful pictures of memories of when they were more carefree, connected with friends and family, in a whole different part of the world, aware of the blessings surrounding them, learning something new, helping someone they care about, and being a part of something bigger than themselves. In a word, they returned to dog-eared times in their lives when they felt REAL. AUTHENTIC. They don’t even detail the roller coaster they may been on during those times- because life just seemed smoother, clearer and simpler because they were authentic with the world and truthful to themselves. And they tell these stories with a smile. Think about your own points of feeling REAL. What does that look like- how long ago was it- what really stands out?

So, dare I wager that many of you gents aren’t actually striving for a NEW self- you’re again seeking the authentic, whole, true YOU. Yeah, there’s cobwebs and obstacles in the way, but making a concerted effort to shed who you’re not and what you don’t represent and work to KNOW and develop your real core- you can then SHOW and SHARE who you are inside and out more freely and with enthusiasm and confidence.

And that brings me to FORGIVENESS- of self, that is. To become a better man, you must be embrace forgiveness. Wiping the slate clean to remain humble. Regardless if you’re an executive, entrepreneur, MBA student, divorced single parent, or new empty nester desperately seeking a reset button: Wanting to change your situation from feeling overstressed, overweight, or over-the-hill to feeling on top of the world takes more than the flipping of the calendar page, a shit-ton of confetti and champagne, a new daily planner and an expensive gym membership. It takes an entire perspective shift- and often that takes forgiving of your past…of your laundry list of crappy habits, unattained goals, receding hairline and growing waistline. When you resolve to become a BETTER version of you, you shift from being a victim of your circumstances and choices to being a hero- and it’s easier to play and win at the game of life- that’s mostly because you’re living authentically in the present, NOT the past- yours or anyone else’s.

Gary Wolf, co-founder of the Quantified Self Movement, is quoted as saying, “If we want to act more effectively in the world we have to get to know ourselves better.” Meaning, it takes a commitment to AUTHENTICITY to stay the path of the real you. And it takes FORGIVENESS of yourself to dump the past, forgive your fumbles, forget about the flaws and live with humility.
So, perhaps this year, instead, you take this time to reignite your identity and purpose and etch out what you’ll do differently to grow-in mind, body, spirit and actions- closer to the real you- the one with flaws and fine points- and a killer set of weathered leather carry-ons.

2016 rang in a year for REVIVAL. So don’t waste time hustling to create a NEW YOU with a do-over or makeover; choose to revive all that is the authentic YOU, the forgiven YOU and be on fire for the future.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  ~ KD

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman

Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises– Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.

This is also featured on the global platform The Good Men Project where Dykeman is a regular contributing writer.