MEN: You can learn a lot about life from Fight Club

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a.k.a.  No one ever said: It’s all fun, games, flashy titles and big paychecks…          until SOMEONE has a heart attack.

So, I was all ready to pull out a pencil and legal pad (yes, I said PENCIL) to write up notes for this post- fully armed to hit on the dirty topic of EXECUTIVE STRESS and what the media is doing to make it even worse (while lining the pockets of snake oil salesmen) … but then Howard Schultz decided to interrupt.  Now, I gotta tell you, it was in the best possible way.

Before getting a workout at the crack-o-dawn, I ran in to my corner Starbucks for a half-caf blonde.  And about 3 hours later I received a survey request with a free star- which I decided to fill out, since I was still sitting reading morning emails. (For those of you with the app, you know stars are their form of crack.) Now here’s where things took a turn:

Besides asking if I was actually thirsty or hungry, these were the imposing, kneading and slightly LEADING multiple choice questions in the survey.

Did you stop in because …?

  • You felt busy or overwhelmed and needed a break
  • You felt tired and needed a pick-me-up
  • You felt like socializing and needed to spend time with others
  • You felt scattered and needed to focus
  • You felt like you deserved it and needed a treat

BAM!  And there it is.  Mainstream corporate marketplace, with its addiction-inducing/supporting retail mini-hubs, has its finger on the pulse of America’s worker bees.  This survey wasn’t asking if I was too lazy to brew a joe at 6am, ran out of coffee or loved starting my morning with something that brings back memories of my mom getting ready for work.  It was, essentially, assuming that I didn’t have my sh$t together. It wanted to get under my skin and see just how vulnerable I am to divulge personal, emotional information.

Mindfully concocted and strategically delivered by a think-tank of marketing wizards and media mongers, this survey pressured me to believe that this cup of spiking hot, brown water was ONE answer to my problems.  Just like the media-at-large, Starbucks is on-the-money: it KNOWS that folks are working themselves to the bone- hell, even to death.

Men don’t talk about Stress.

As I’ve been relaunching my coaching practice, I’ve been devouring studies, data, and details from my own research interviews of executives, thought leaders and their assistants …and a few things are UNABASHEDLY CLEAR:

  1. Technology has changed the landscape so much that we are actually gaining speed down towards an abyss of STRESS. More HIGH TECH and less HIGH TOUCH is short-circuiting our emotional, mental and social needs.
  2. STRESS is indeed erupting countless illnesses, causing mental strife, disrupting family foundations, creating career burnout, dividing communities and picking us off in droves.

#3 is actually reserved for the men… specifically execs and leaders:

  1. The first rule about STRESS is you don’t talk about STRESS.

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I say that because it’s true. (Call it a blanket statement, assumption or stereotype… but I’ll ask you to prove otherwise with your own data, folks.)  So assuming no argument, most men don’t wear their issues on their sleeves, let alone ask for help, or divulge much in random retail surveys. And if you’re an Alpha male, executive, high-performance or highly-visible businessman- we’ll be waiting for Kanye West to make it to the White House (#VMAawarddebacle) before you fess up and let someone else HELP you become the man you’re killing yourself to be.

Mass media showcases elements of how anxiety and pressures swirling around work, family and health affect men… but they stop at getting to the meat of it all. They just keep adding to the number of gents searching “executive burnout” and “executive stress syndrome”. Reporters, hosts, bloggers and experts alike don’t really cut enough away to reveal the SOURCES beyond symptoms. AS if it would be almost insulting to mention that people DO PLAY a role in their own stressful circumstances.  And WE DO!  Makes you wonder: with the obviousness of societal stress growing like a weed… why aren’t enough people showing how to take responsibility and SOLVE their PROBLEMS?

Getting back to Starbucks

What if you were asked to fill in the email survey?  Would you actually take pause and take inventory?  Better yet, what if I were to just ASK YOU these questions… what would you say?  What if you just ASKED YOURSELF?

Are you really:

  • overworked
  • stressed-out
  • lonely
  • distracted
  • sleep-deprived
  • under-rewarded
  • discouraged
  • seeking camaraderie
  • needing to connect and share?

If any (or all) of these resonated with you, you can do one of two things, I suppose:

  1. Keep getting the sh%t knocked out of you in your very own world of Fight Club
  2. Choose to change. Choose to EVOLVE. Choose to LIVE.

I have chosen to focus on the SOURCE, folks.  Relaunching my offerings as a Coach, Confidante and Wingman whose bleeding-edge, timely solutions speak to the specific lifestyle and high-performance needs of stressed Executives & VIPs.  My unique packages include Lifestyle Coaching, Mini-Retreats, Assistant Integration and Wingman Detail.  (www.kimberliedykeman.com – new site under construction) Humor yourself and take inventory, then give me a shout.

Thanks again for reading. Podcast available ASAP.

Never Stop EVOLVING

~ KD

 

Shift Your Perspective- for GOOD

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16 years ago I found myself freezing my petunias in the tundra of Michigan (don’t ask why), driving a Ford Mustang (you know why), and managing a fitness facility while growing my business as a Certified Personal Trainer.  This meant getting up at 4am to open the doors at 5am for the handful of highly-devoted (and pretty damn spirited) members who no doubt slid their way off the main street into the gym parking lot.  During these quiet hours, I’d plan the sessions for my clients and review sticking points that were inhibiting their goals… not to mention attitudes.  (Hint: 1 hour with a trainer can be obliterated by any bad habit within a minute.)

Though I did experience successes with plenty of clients, a trend easily revealed itself: one’s psychology dictates one’s physiology, and vice versa.  The folks who were unable to handle certain sources of stress in their lives were having trouble committing to workouts in their own, changing eating regimens, getting enough rest…hell, even showing up on time for a workout!  I realized that “Give me 12 more” wasn’t cutting it when the client was struggling with an uphill battle of stress- revealing itself as poor memory, disorganization, loss of interest in activities, struggling marriage, lack of confidence, low libido, reliance on food or alcohol… the list went on.  (Trust me, I’d get earfuls of confessions…and details!)

Mind you, each of these folks could be categorized with a simplistic label, like Executive, Baby Boomer, Empty Nester, Single Parent, Entrepreneur, 9-to-5er, Unemployed, Retiree, New Grad, Newlywed, etc.  But through countless hours of conversations both on the clock and on my own time, it was also revealed that each person wore a plethora of different hats each day, juggling lists of responsibilities, and bravely facing unique situations concerning their boss, kids, spouses, deadlines, parents, pets, schedule, school, health issues, home, travel, age, neighborhood, technology, addictions, friends, carpools, church… you name it.  So… the SYMPTOMS weren’t the problem.  The PROBLEMS were the problem.

Don’t focus on the signs. Focus on the SOURCE.

And there it was.  My a-ha moment.  My leap from ground level to 30,000 feet that became the springboard to the last 15 years of my career.  It also became the tuning fork to my own life.

The lesson here: when you shift your paradigm from being reactive to being proactive you change  your own dynamic in any situation.   I think the renowned director, author and screenwriter Nora Ephron nailed it with one simple charge:

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”

So, yes, those crack-o-dawn, cold, reflective mornings, were the foundation to the groundbreaking methodology I brought to Austin back in 2000.  Over the years it has indeed evolved- especially with the acceptance of and explosion of the coaching market- but it is still soundly based on respected science, diligent research and demographic-specific observational experience.  So, yup, I’ve done my homework. But the means with which I deliver tools, guidance and in-the-trenches action is even more profoundly progressive as of late -perhaps, somewhat aggressive as well. “Give me 12 more” was definitely just a starting point to my own process of learning; an ever-evolving process that confidently equips me to motivate, advise, encourage, collaborate with, educate, entertain and activate folks to find solution by focusing on the source.

My own evolution as coach has taken me on quite a colorful journey. Coming from a diverse family line of teachers and professors, I like to think I’ve found my own unconventional, but still wonderfully valuable, way to impact people’s perspectives.

I leave you with this:  take the leap to 30,000 feet, my friends.  And if you need a wingman… give me a shout.    ~KD

NEVER STOP EVOLVING.

 

~ KD

 

Evolve or DECAY!

COMING SOON...
Indeed it’s been a long time coming.

First off, THANK YOU for tuning in – as I know your time is limited, precious and packed.  That said, I ALSO KNOW you like to be distracted (thus, www.jasonheadley.com, FB (still!), and 4,000,000 cat videos);  you’re curious and love to absorb info from this internet thing; and you enjoy seeing what characters like me are up to with our latest entrepreneurial ventures (at least that’s what you folks keep telling me)!

This is the first in a series of notes leading up to an official announcement.  No, I’m not running for President, not engaged, not pregnant, not moving, not joining the Duggar clan, and not launching an App to find a restaurant (or date). I know you’re thinking, “Geez Kimberlie, that pretty much cancels out everything I was thinking of.  Do tell!”

So this note is a bit of a teaser. And there will be more.

As a refresher or a totally new inside scoop for some folks, here’s a quick summary of my career path (minus the few years after college where I traveled around the country, made fabulous friends, took chances, and realized that there really wasn’t a JOB TITLE that suited me):

KD CAREER INFOGRAPHICUnlike many folks, I didn’t shift from one title to another- instead I added each new role to my plate and kept juggling the whole enchilada…which took a crapload of effort and energy!  Toss in a few years with mercury poisoning and it’s a wonder I didn’t book a room at Seton for a few months!

And then, a  LIGHTBULB went off in my noggin- and I know it was/is God telling me to go back to what is real, right and true. The s-ha reminded me to take a good look at my personal mission statement:

“Everything I do serves to motivate, entertain, and educate folks to live fulfilling lives with newfound perspective, unshakable optimism and dynamic purpose.”

Well, I realized I’d drifted and let up on the focus, enthusiasm and passion I used to have in upholding this promise to myself.  And I knew IT HAD TO CHANGE RIGHT NOW.

“Everything will change.  The only question is growing up or decaying.”     – Nikki Giovanni, poet

So, what does that all mean now?  Well, I am PUTTING MYSELF BACK ON TRACK by taking yet another leap in my career!  (Though, ironically, it is a leap that brings me 100% back to the beginnings of my life as an entrepreneur.  Hint, Hint, Wink, Wink, say no more!)

I’d love for you to stay tuned & keep your fingers crossed, of course.  KIMBERLIEDYKEMAN.com and PURESOAPBOX.com are being totally renovated- so please excuse the broken links, old material and wonky stuff that looks out of place.  What’s OLD will be NEW again!

So, cheers to the possibilities, folks.  And if I could hope for one take-away for you.  Right now.  Reading this.  I’d say:

NEVER STOP EVOLVING

~ KD