In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman spotlights 6 things that keep you weighed down and why a good shedding helps more than yourself.

Are you living cage-free? Sounds like a silly question, right? But think about it. After all, we are all divinely blessed with sovereignty over our choices. And yet so very many of us invest our time, energy, efforts and emotions in obsolete, inconsequential “things” and unknowingly impound and chain ourselves to their immovable, valueless positions.

As men grow into leadership positions, their pockets are filled with more responsibility, more visibility, more accountability and more power. The same stress that drives men to be high achievers, leaders and influencers is the very same that can and does bring them to their knees. The weight often becomes burdensome and the restrictions erode integrity, erupt physical and mental health, and often derail personal and professional relationships. The crusade of evolving into a “better man” asks for constant mindfulness and honest self-assessments –so if you’re feeling a little restricted, let the digging begin.

Here are 6 heavy chains that may be keeping you caged-in.

1. PRIDE.
When pride is your shadow, your steps are followed by a funk that linger. You get used the smell and it becomes tough to recognize when your ego is running your life, ruining your reputation, alienating folks from your space. We all know your coworkers and buddies aren’t quick to call you out on your chest-thumping… because it’s pretty boisterous to knock the ego of one of your own. Net-net: as delicate as your ego may be —and in constant need of applause— remember the humble man is always remembered and lauded for his character; his achievements take second fiddle.

Q: If you are not free of PRIDE, have you lost your sense of humility?

2. CONFLICT.
Both arguments and full-blown battles are the result one basic action gone terribly wrong: communication. And I don’t just mean TALKING or NOT TALKING… I mean the manifestation of aerobic efforts and in all formats- thinking, speaking, asking, listening, responding, gesturing, body language, voice levels, inflections, texting, emailing, reading, writing. Your investment in any kind of exchange is rooted in your world assessment of a cornucopia of considerations- from psychological, physical and sociological to political, educational and financial. Your thoughts breed words that breed actions based on your perspective, assumptions, fears, ignorance and agenda… just like your target’s. Net-net: Appreciate the need for space, pace, permission and patience if you want communication without confrontation.

Q: If you are not free of conflict, have you lost your ability to properly communicate?

3. WORRY.
The great distorter of the mind, worry is not just a pastime of moms and helicopter parents –and for a man the concern of molehills morphing into mountains is just part of the mindgame. The other part is assuming his audience will brand him a warrior with weak knees, forecasting worst-case-scenarios. At the core is an ego that refuses to relent to trust- and that make any person, thing or situation look precarious or problematic. Net-net: Anxiety can be trumped time and time again with your investment of belief in yourself, in others, in the momentum of change, or in God.

Q: If you are not free of worry, have you lost your faith?

4. FEAR.
Love is the great creator… of connections, of healing, of joy, of creativity, of adventure, of enthusiasm…you name it. It is as strong or weak as you allow it to grow and takes vulnerability of the soul to be released and multiply. Alas, its greatest antagonist is the pervasive power of fear, which sprouts countless other reactions. In recognizing the terror of feelings like instability or rejection or failure, men tend to strap on another layer of armor and lead with a shield. Too often the expanding and expressive experience of feeling or showing love is deflected- and both sides lose out on creation. Net-net: Cut short the life of fear in your thoughts and the size of your heart just might grow past Grinch-size.

Q: If you are not free of fear, have you lost your ability to love?

5. REGRET.
There’s not a man in this earth that can’t admit to feelings of regret, guilt or shame for having done or NOT done something. To mess up, misstep or be misguided is part of learning; but if you’re making a conscious effort to outweigh crappy decisions and costly instant gratification with actions that ripple positive results, then let the past go, mister. Replaying all the woulda, should, coulda’s that invade your sights set on the future may end up limiting just how far you think you deserve to go. Net-net: It takes hustle to stay the path of your own constitution, but just like anyone you admire, respect or love… remember that you’re human too.

Q: If you are not free of regret, have you lost your faith in the future?

6. GRUDGES.
They say, “To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by a bee.” Somebody did you wrong and you’re ticked and keeping score. To err may be human, but this one’s inexcusable and your inner Alpha fires up guns of revenge. In one fell swoop, spite invades your body and mind with fury, resentment and ego and an unyielding agenda for self-preservation. Ironically your choice to neither forgive nor forget conveniently blurs out all the times the proverbial shoe was on the other foot. A grudge is upsettingly divisive for a man and just as he may hold on to one for years, it will erase years from his very lifeline. Net-net: When you aim to crucify another for wrongdoing, ironically, the bigger wrong is done by you. Wipe the scoreboard and offer absolution to save both face and friendship.

Q: If you are not free of a grudge, have you lost your ability to forgive?

A “yes” to any of these doesn’t forever fence you in. If anything, a confession of self-containment might just smack you upside the head and prompt you to fly the coop to pursue your own “survival of the fittest” plan. But a facejam of truth doesn’t always move intention into action. Sometimes you need to have more of a WHY… so here it is:
Think about how your own chains affect those you care about.

When you’ve lost your aligned values or loving faith, revered discipline or truthful communication, the negative effects ripple in a thousand directions. Your sweetheart, kids, siblings and pals are affected; as are your peers, employees, church and community. In answering these key questions about your own need for emancipation, the impact on those you care about may become the greater force to your decision to break these chains.

Living cage-free takes honest self-assessment and addressing of root problems… something that every man can always keep learning from- and if you’re a leader, all the more to lead by example. The first step is choosing to change both for the benefit of yourself and your own mini-society. And when you kick it in gear and begin to shed, you’ll immediately notice how much “lighter” living can feel, for more than just you. So start busting through the barricades and embrace the vitality and relief that may go on to inspire another’s proclamation for freedom.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  ~ KD

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman

Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises– Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.

SOAPBOX shot episode graphic

Today’s SOAPBOX® shot in the arm is wrapped around a famous quote by Jo Coudert, author and playwright.

“In a relationship, two halves don’t make a whole. Two wholes make a whole.”

Attached at the hip. Funny little phrase, isn’t it? Perhaps you listening to me right now is creating a linking of sorts, an attachment or relationship that makes us need the other to infuse and illuminate our own Big Picture, whether of the day, an idea, a dream, a lifestyle, or a lifetime. We aren’t INCOMPLETE without the other, but add COMPLETE new experiences and layers of thought just by crossing our paths of qualities.

Now, if you get that- I metaphorically propose that each of us embodies a full 24-pack of Crayola crayons. Remember those? Plenty of variety there to play with, right? Boasting all the colors of the rainbow, and then some, and uniformly brimming with gorgeous pigment that defines our every thread and thought. And as you scribble your colors here, there and everywhere through our years, even if your collection is peeled down to the labels and worn down to nubs, 24 is, was, and always will be complete and unlimited by design and definition.

Oooooh, but remember what the full set of 48 looks like? Not to mention 64 or 128! Fluorescents, metallics, unpronounceable shades of blue, green, and brown, and every color word combo imaginable. Not that more is better, nor is the littlest pack incomplete, less than half, or even limited. But the end result, the picture creatively born from the bigger, more varied palette, climbs to a colorfully dramatic new dimension: A Crayola masterpiece of Manet or Klimt proportion.

Now, you have your story, as does every person who takes a page in your coloring book of life – and neither you nor they can be reduced and described with one name: safflower blue or burnt sienna. Just like neither you nor they can be summed up as just: the CEO, the VP of XYand Z, the founder of BlahBlah, the single parent, evening-class MBA student, crazy neighbor, in-your-face sarcastic uncle, never-forgets-a-face, name or birthday best pal. BUT WE CAN SAY both you and they are complete creations, absolute sets, WHOLE. And when you choose to engage, share, and build relationship- the entire color wheel of your vision becomes so much greater! So playfully and boldly blend with family and friends, sweethearts, co-workers and strangers alike, and discover the magical cornucopia of shades you can add to this work of art called life.

Never Stop EVOLVING. ~ KD

Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises– Lifestyle & Performance Coaching, Mini-Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.

© Kimberlie Dykeman. SOAPBOX® is a registered trademark of Kimberlie Dykeman.

SOAPBOX shot episode graphic

Today’s SOAPBOX® shot in the arm is wrapped around a famous quote by Ruth Gendler, artist, writer and teacher.

 “Courage looks you straight in the eye. She is not impressed with power trippers, and she knows first aid. Courage is not afraid to weep, and she is not afraid to pray, even when she is not sure whom she is praying to. When she walks it is clear she has made the journey from loneliness to solitude. The people who told me she was stern were not lying; they just forgot to mention that she was kind.”

Welcome to the edge of a cliff…again!  Alas, the life of a trailblazer is an unending series of brinks and bridges, each one more precarious than the last.  But for good reason, because the opportunities to prosper and expand your influence are indeed greater each time.  Weighing the odds is always advised but worrying about perceived outcomes only leads to petrification.

And so it takes courage to leap!  But not just in business- not just as an entrepreneur or a leader.  IT takes courage to CHANGE as a human being facing regular daily life.  Sometimes a shit-ton.  Yet, what’s funny, is how rarely the concept of bravery and courage is shared, discussed, or given limelight in the more mundane, daily nooks and crannies of LIFE.  Probably because we need to personify it to make it a true member of our treasure chest of choice vocab.

Indeed CHANGE takes courage and the rediscovery of her value and promise.  It comes down to one simple question: how long will you stay and decay?  There’s no better time than the present to discover the valley of your vision.  Strap on your parachute of faith, spring free and fly.  TO experience a cage-free life, you must choose to explore new territory and vow to not look back.  Change is inevitable.  Perhaps so is a life of delightful evolution.

 

Never Stop EVOLVING. ~ KD

Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises– Lifestyle & Performance Coaching, Mini-Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.

© Kimberlie Dykeman. SOAPBOX® is a registered trademark of Kimberlie Dykeman.