A Daughter’s Perspective

ONE of the reasons I am so very passionate about coaching gentlemen is because of my father. Growing up, I could see and hear the stress he faced every day — juggling work as a college professor by day , then officiating basketball in the evenings, organizing weekend events for friends, herding two daughters to maintain our property of gardens, a Christmas tree business, and golf driving range. But, sometimes, I actually FELT the stress he carried around on his shoulders and in his head —meaning, his overworking, seeming obsession on making money, and constant focus OUTWARD with strangers (instead of INWARD towards his family)— weighed on me as a kid. Sure, he did what he could to be “present”, but the pressures he created and inherited with regards to his career, his past, his parents and his conscience made it very difficult to understand this man, let alone really feel like I had a relationship with him.

I have spent the past 16 years working my tail off to build a NEW relationship with Pop… but damn, it’s tough to pick up and toss what time has nailed to the floor.

My point is: I believe wholeheartedly that my father would be a different man —more grounded, less regretful, more connected to family, less fearful of the future— if he’d had some kind of coach in his corner. And, dare I say, a strong FEMALE, at that —who would have provided objective feedback, empathetic listening, unshakable accountability, strategic guidance, and unconditional encouragement. And who could have helped this man create a life that balanced career WITH family, and bloomed more open communication, confidence, joy, creativity, endurance, thankfulness, and love.

Having coached and advised men in business for over 17 years, any chance I earn to serve a client as his coach and wingman I take very seriously. For I know that I may be the very person who helps a man light up his own life before it’s too late.

Just as MAY is the month of women, to me… JUNE is the month of men. And I say that with absolute love, compassion, curiosity and appreciation. It’s become a recurring timeslot wherein I default to thinking about my relationships with the ‘important’ gents in my life… the most prominent and precious being the bond I have with my own pop — the man I love to pieces, even as he drives me crazy!

So, cheers to the Dads, the Uncles, the Dudes who aspire to wear those hats. Invest in yourself and perhaps this month may bring you a positive shift in perspective, in habits, in attitudes, and in resolution towards becoming the most awesome man you can be.

Never Stop EVOLVING.

~ KD

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 14: If you don’t live by a Code – it’s damn time you did


 

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman gets real about living by a code. Separating the boys from the men with “The Four Agreements“. 

Never Stop EVOLVING.  – KD

 

©2017 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for businessmen, athletes & startups. Subscribe on iTunes

THE POWER of a WINGMAN

POP & ME (age 6)

“Coaches teach you how to win.”    Harvey Penick

Since the first race I ever ran, through launching multiple businesses, my pop has been a trusted coach, confidante and wingman.

Over the past decades, one of the key messages he has never wavered from is the importance of a coach. And to this day, he still speaks to his college coaches and mentors who continue to help him keep his cup full, so that he is able to serve others. An athlete, college professor, multi-sport official, entrepreneur, fitnesswear distributor, speaker, golf coach and humanitarian… who had a daughter follow right in his path. To help men just like him.

So, if you’re looking for someone who helps you thrive in your career, triumph over challenges and avoid potholes. Who reinforces your confidence and encourages you to shift gears. Who teaches you how to breathe life into your relationships and become, well, a better MAN…

YOU have to reach out and choose who will have your back. I’d love to be that person.

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Gents, invest in yourself this holiday season. 
Ladies, show him you’re in his corner.

Never Stop EVOLVING  ~ KD

 

 

THE VALUES OF AN ICON

spotlight

Leading up to my next podcast, titled “Is there an Arnold Palmer in You?”, I wanted to get you thinking about the icons of industries you admire. So, go ahead and pick one…

What do you know about him BEYOND his specialty or world of lauded achievement? When that enterprise CEO, thought leading inventor, record-breaking musician or invincible quarterback … is just a man juggling work, relationships, community, kids, church, etc. How does carry himself beyond his title, team or followers? Does he treat others fairly and equally and give back to his community? Does he treat women with respect and take responsibility for his words and actions. Is he patriotic? What about his ability to be humble, to take a joke or to reveal his flaws and failures?

It’s one thing to “like” someone for his abilities, but I’d look at the other boxes he need to have checked off. And ask yourself: Why would I lift up any guy whose values don’t at least mirror mine, let alone challenge or inspire me to work on improving my own?

You’re not a 5th grader anymore who thinks (insert name here) hangs the moon. You’re a grown man. If you find yourself doting over someone you’re dying to meet because of his image, make sure you’re not wasting valuable time, energy, effort or money on a guy whose hand you might not really benefit from shaking.

Net-net: Frankly, I think you owe it to yourself to sift through the idols on your list and pay more mind to the ones who drive you to keep evolving into a better man with each choice you make.

Never Stop EVOLVING.

~ KD

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 13: Pride is a Bitch

IMAGE-Pride is a bitch

 

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman tells how she almost lost her father and just how pride keeps us from all that is important in life. 

 

Never Stop EVOLVING.  – KD

 

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen. Subscribe on iTunes

SOAPBOX shot in the arm Ep. 6: Thomas Henry Huxley

Today’s SOAPBOX® shot in the arm is wrapped around a famous quote by Thomas Henry Huxley, English biologist & huge Darwin advocate.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  – KD

 

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen. Subscribe on iTunes

SOAPBOX® is a registered trademark of Kimberlie Dykeman.

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 12: Divorce is not FAILURE

IMAGE-Divorce is not Failure

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman inspires divorced men to forgive themselves and reset for a better future. 

Never Stop EVOLVING.  – KD

 

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen. Subscribe on iTunes

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 11: Like Father, Like Daughter

POP & ME (age 6)

In today’€™s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman gets personal about her father and what drives her as a coach… and a human being.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  – KD

 

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen. Subscribe on iTunes

 

 

All Roads Lead Back to John Lennon

john lennon

IDENTITY.    i·den·ti·tyˌ  /īˈden(t)ədē/

The word that has been shoved to the front of the stage in so many— too many —scenarios and platforms, and forced into once amicable conversations. Your identity has been analyzed, compartmentalized, politicized and ostracized… and corporations are notorious for doing this almost as a one-upping craft. They track every decision and purchase you make, log every stitch of your demo stats (not to mention your whereabouts,) and shove surveys down your throat all in the name of fuel for their Big Data machines.  I get it. I accept it. (I mean, do I really have a choice?). I have done my own (very) small share of this practice as well for my own business.

But when the classification, and ultimate manipulation and often degradation, invades your own personal life —your home, your family, your physical health, and mental wellbeing— I call foul.

Companies often see an even trade when it comes to your employment– and, yes, this includes top execs and business owners.  And indeed it starts off that way as fair dollars for hours or dollars for experience.  But often the lines get blurred, then crossed, then obliterated- when comfortable time passes, higher expectations are expected, and your original unique identity becomes swept under the organization’s massive rug.

More for Them, Less for You

And more often, they get what they want out of you because you let them. More hours, more effort, more speed, more results and more ROI. And you are left with less. Less time with your family; less energy to reboot; less patience to deal with life’s frustrations; less peace of mind; less focus on your relationships; less investment in your own health; less hair on your head; less of your wardrobe that fits; less confidence in your value; less enthusiasm for what was once a dream career or job; less clarity about who you are, what your beliefs are, and your real purpose in life.

Sound a bit dramatic? Perhaps… until you begin your own concerted examination of your current career reality, and you see that you’ve allowed your own employer to take up space in your home, head and heart.

When you’ve lost your balance because your career has trounced all over all other areas of importance and joy, this revelation is at the heart of the changes you need to make to thrive again…  outside of your career… as a human being with a distinct identity. Which brings me to John Lennon.

The Timelessness & Timeliness of John Lennon

“I don’t believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.” – John Lennon

The man who embodied greatness both with and without his band of brothers dealt us a timeless and priceless trump card with this profound one-liner. He is still an iconic mastermind in the minds of millions and across multiple generations because he never gave up his organically magical and unique make-up. These 10 words say so many things- just let them eclipse your knee-jerk assumptions; though nothing as simple as the importance of validating and celebrating one’s own existence.

Your identity is made up of your thumb-printed personality, preferences, features and idiosyncrasies, talents and an individual path of life.  And along the way and through the years you’ve “registered” many-a-time as part of some larger entity— a friendship, team, neighborhood, organization, social platform or perhaps even rock-n-roll band— and done so for reasons of acceptance, recognition, money, accountability, social aspects, personal rewards, hell, even just to say you are a member of something. As a carrier of some virtual membership card for each you reaped benefits but still maintained your own identity- even as your galvanized more members, invested more time, talent, treasure and heart.

So, why do you let the place that places a paycheck in your hand- without the promise of eternity, mind you- reduce you to a number or liability or asset or title? Furthermore, what are you compromising every single day because you have exchanged your one-of-a-kind self for a label?

 If You Believe in Yourself… Take Back Your Identity

  • Who are you outside of your business card or title?
  • If it weren’t for your nametag or business card, would you forgetyour own name?
  • Do you seek confirmation from the umpteen activities, things and possessions you’re buried in that are all tied to work?
  • Have you tethered yourself to your career or job at a cost of stunting your own personal growth?
  • What kind of legacy are you on track to leave… and are you content with that?

There are more questions like this to sift through, but the biggest one of all, I believe is this one: What do you miss about yourself?

Drill down… and look at the time with your family, your energy, patience, state of mind, relationships, health, the condition of your body, your self-confidence and focus, level of enthusiasm for life and sense of purpose. Try to remember the last time you felt like a human being, or laughed your head off, or really felt like the weekend gave you freedom to just fart around and be free, or imagined you can indeed live to be 100, or checked off something on your Bucket List.

Are you living to work or working to have a life while keeping your identity intact?

Countless people, places, and experiences have helped magically mold your brilliant identity… don’t let your job strip it all away. Within or without the wheel of work, you must remind yourself that devotion to your own life, values, health, joy and truth comes first. The machine of your career is plugged INTO YOU, not the other way around.

Tilt the mirror, take a good look, remove all the nametags and adopted labels, the cords and attachments, and choose to redefine your reflection, inside and out. Believe in yourself again. BE yourself again.

Never Stop EVOLVING.

~ KD

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 10: Your Ex is Kryptonite

In today’s EVOLVE or Decay episode, Kimberlie Dykeman helps you shift your perspective about the one Ex who still lingers and take steps toward permanent healing.

Never Stop EVOLVING.  ~ KD

 

©2016 Kimberlie Dykeman. Sponsored by Kimberlie Dykeman Enterprises Executive Performance Coaching, Retreats & Wingman Support for Gentlemen.  Subscribe on iTunes    

This is also featured on the global platform The Good Men Project where Dykeman is a regular contributing writer.

 

 

New Site Launch is Your Reason to Shift Gears

Folks, the day finally arrived this week when my business turns “legit” for 2016… meaning, I finally have a current, truly client-focused, responsive site up. Damn, it was an aerobic effort- but after a few false starts, I took the reigns, bootstrapped my marketing experience + research + lots of conversations with gents and designed the thing myself. That said, I have a whole new respect for web designers and developers! But did I really build this myself?  I think the answer is “no”. See, this note isn’t about me spouting off about how “Dykeman can do anything!”

Instead, this note is a message to you and about you- because we’re probably cut from the same cloth: a strong-willed, disciplined, solution-oriented, focused on ringing, stubborn workhorse. I know you love the idea of a challenge to overcome, a game to win, a person to prove wrong, an idea to prove right, a deadline to beat and a quota to crush. But, honestly, you NEVER REALLY DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF.

Even if you were on a deserted island— even if you ARE a startup of just “1” right now… it took a village, your whole life, to get you here. To help you become the man you are. To instill a genius code of values, disciplines and beliefs which you follow and radiate. To enable and equip you to become all the titles you wear and achieve great things, day-in and day-out.

Take a moment and look around yourself today and answer this question:

If I want to keep evolving, achieving and thriving, am I surrounded by the best village?

You only have one shot at this life- if the people surrounding you are not keeping your engines revving, helping you feel like you can take on the world… then it’s time to shake up your village.  Perhaps even add one more.

See, unlike many coaches, and consultants, I know that I am merely a catalyst to firing up the fuel, strengths and attitude that you’ve already got. But I am a key driver to helping you redefine what you WANT your village to look like.  The secret to the best relationships is how each person elevates and adds to the other’s life. My success lies in what I pull out of you.

So… are you ready to shift gears?

Never Stop EVOLVING.

~KD

EVOLVE or Decay Ep. 7: Building Blocks to Becoming a Better Man Part 2